Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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