i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
