I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I smell like Dick and happiness
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
