Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
