I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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