Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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