What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
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She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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