Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
