We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
