I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
