I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
