with your own penis?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
