im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
