wat bout pragnant strippers??
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
