So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
