broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
