I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
