when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
