I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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