She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
