haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
