i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
