i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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