someone threw a dead crab at me
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
