Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
