____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
