Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
