Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize