He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
