Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
