I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
