I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I have so many feelings about this burrito
How does one acquire holy water?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize