Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
