no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
