Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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