i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
