do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
