Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize