i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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