that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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