dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
