I just made out with a guy for $7.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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