I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
