the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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