i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
