Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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