ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
