Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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