Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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