i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
