Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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