You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
