Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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