Did you just see the Batmobile???
He felt like a one man threesome
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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