What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
