the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize