i wish starbucks made bloody marys
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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