Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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