I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
