Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
