Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Someone shattered a urinal.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
