Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
