i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
