Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
