Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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