when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
