Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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