Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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