did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
